You Can’t Get Out of Pain the Same Way You Got Into Pain

Step one: Seeing yourself clearly, not only the parts of yourself that you like

Healing neuroplastic pain is, like so many things, simple but not easy. Essentially every tool and approach to curing chronic symptoms is aimed at making the brain, subconscious, and nervous system feel and believe that they are safe. 

Our thoughts, emotions, sensations, reactions and subconscious are all like teammates on a soccer team. What one does has a direct impact on the others and on the outcome of the game, but each member can also act somewhat independently and mold the game in their own way with their own contributions. 

This can make disentangling the different elements contributing to the perpetuation of pain/symptoms difficult. I find that when people are dealing with chronic pain/symptoms they want to force everyone on the team to do things their way (the logical mind’s way). Unfortunately this rarely works as a strategy because that is often the same approach they had to life that contributed to them developing chronic conditions. It is often necessary to learn new ways of relating to one’s self in order to recover from these conditions.  The tools and skills that are implemented in the journey to a chronic symptom free life, can be a great catalyst for learning to be more accepting, gentle, and compassionate towards all the parts that make up the self. 

Step two: Learning how to be honest with yourself and allow space for your whole experience

Let’s imagine that Joel has chronic neck pain that makes it hard for him to work. He feels an urgent need to resolve the pain so that he can continue to make a living and support his family. After he starts working with a pain recovery coach, he learns about how language can impact his pain sensations. So, when he experiences pain he tells himself (in a gruff and authoritative tone) “This is just a sensation, nothing is wrong with me. I am not really bothered by it”. He is lying. Underneath the words he is seething with frustration, his inner child is crying out in fury at his invalidation, and he feels like he can’t stand another day of pushing through the pain.

He is being ingenuine to his whole self, by trying to force a narrative onto parts of himself that are not at all ready or willing to adopt this new approach. Joel uses the same demanding approach in his work, hobbies, and inner dialogue. He tries to force what he thinks he should do, in order to get the results he wants, ignoring his body/mind/emotions whispers, nudges, yells and screams. This habit was a contributing factor in his development of neuroplastic pain.  In chronic symptom recovery he has to learn to do things differently because the tool is only as effective as the whole self will allow it to be. 

It is essential to check in with the different parts in order to try and use the tools in ways that feel believable and convincing to the whole team. In this scenario, a more compassionate and authentic response to pain would have been “I am really frustrated by my symptoms today. At this moment I don’t have the emotional capacity to be patient with the process. I know this won’t last forever, but right now I am honestly furious that I have to deal with it.”. 

Step three: Learn how to allow the whole self to be seen while simultaneously supporting healthy thought patterns

Let’s break this down. By saying “I am really frustrated by my symptoms today.” Joel is acknowledging his emotions which, simply by being listened to, might start to dissipate. At the same time he is reminding himself that this is today's problem, he doesn’t know what he will feel tomorrow and does not need to address the future, only what is alive in him now. 

When he says “In this moment I don’t have the emotional capacity to be patient with the process.”, he continues to meet himself where he is, accepting that his capacity and emotions ebb and flow and solidifying the impermanent nature of his current emotional state, which allows for positive shifts to occur. By recognizing his current state, he will have a much greater chance of meeting his needs in that moment. On a day with high emotional intensity towards symptoms different interventions are necessary than on a day with low emotional reactivity. So by acknowledging the reality of his emotional state, he will be more likely to select an effective tool. 

Joel also says “I know this won’t last forever, but right now I am honestly furious that I have to deal with it.”. In this statement Joel continues to be honest with himself and accept his emotions which might shift his nervous system into a more relaxed state. People tend to be far more upset about the future ramifications of pain than the current discomfort they are experiencing, so Joel reminding himself that his sensations are not permanent will also help him to move away from the fear-pain cycle.

Step four: Practicing showing love and compassion to your whole self

All together, he is not bullying himself, gaslighting himself nor trying to force a different reality to exist than the one that does while still comforting his mental teammates. His nervous system can start to relax when he can accept himself where he is at without minimizing or catastrophizing. As his different teammates start to be less fearful of his sensations, Joel can change the language and may be able to say in a warm and compassionate tone “This is just a sensation, nothing is wrong with me. I am not really bothered by it.” and mean and believe the words, and genuinely be comforted by them. 

All mindbody tools have the same requirement: In order to work the whole self (or at least the vast majority of the team members) need to be able to accept the implementation of the technique. Imagining the logical mind as a parent who deeply loves and cares for all of the other parts can be a helpful approach when practicing tools like somatic tracking, graded exposures, evidence collection, education,, meditation, journaling, or visualization.  Employing these powerful tools with love, compassion, understanding and acceptance, like a caring parent, will be most effective in encouraging the extinction of chronic symptoms.